In my mind

I wish I could cast a spell like in Harry Potter and make you forget me.
Then maybe someone could cast it on me and so then I could forget you.

Life itself would be so much easier.
All this drama
All the awkwardness would be gone.
All the pain,
All the memories
Just gone no longer causing problems

No more reminiscing of what was.
No more wishing things were how they used to be..
No more sadness, you could smile, a genuine smile.

But no in the real world you live with the memories that taunt you.

In my mind life is so much easier.
15 years ago my sister didn't die.
5 years ago my heart wasn't shattered
4 years ago grandma did pass away
3 years ago I didn't fuck up most of my life
A year ago I didn't fall for you and we stayed the best of friends
A few months ago I didn't make that obviously wrong choice.

But Life isn't easy.
It's full of so many problems you lose count after a few days.

Now you won't talk to me, I'm falling for you again.

I'm not your rag doll

Don't drag me along because it's convenient..
If you want something else throw me away and let me move on
Let someone else find me
and love me for me.
The entire time you never wanted me.
You just wanted someone to hug
To be there for you.

I'm glad someones found me
Cleaned me up.
And is treating me right
He loves me because he can
Because I'm me
and not just a convenience.
And you know what,
I love him too.

Have an
Inside Out
Upside Down
Diagonally Spun Night

Maybe it's time to let go.

True Love.

A person who truly loves you, will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.

Define: Love

Loving someone is more than just getting butterflies every time you think about them. It’s more than the bubbly anticipation that you get when you know they’re coming towards you smiling.

Love is when you want to be with someone no matter how much you fight, or have little disagreements 

Love is the feeling of caring for them no matter what, and it’s not just the fact that you need them…It’s more of a fact that you can’t stand not being around them. When you are growing up, you’ll probably think you’re in love at least a couple of times before you really are.

So how can you tell the difference between the real thing and infatuation? The thing that tells you the most is how you handle fights with the person. If you haven’t even fought, you’re probably not in love, because you’re still too starry-eyed and dazed by the bite of the love bug to get upset at them. When you do fight, is it your first impulse to leave, to just quit the relationship? That’s infatuation. If the only thing you can think about is how you’re going to sort it all out and make things work with them, you’re more than likely in love with that person. Love doesn’t turn tail and run at the first sign of trouble, do you?

Also, another way you can tell is if you truly have that person’s best interest at heart. Sure, you care about people you have a crush on-but it’s different. Try to think of the types of things your parents, or maybe your grandparents, do for each other. It’s probably almost an automatic reaction for them to worry whether the other has eaten, is warm or cold enough, is feeling ok, is comfortable, and happy. Are these the type of things you want for your boyfriend/girlfriend? If you’re thinking more about their well being than your own, it’s probably love. Love is unselfish and undying

Infatuation often causes people to spend a lot of time trying to impress the other person. Worrying about how you look, what you say, and how you act every time you’re around this person is something that fades away when you’re in love. Do you wonder why? Well it’s because you’re comfortable with this person, you know it doesn’t matter how you look to them, and you can be yourself around them. Last, you can usually tell you’re in love when other crushes no longer matter. Granted, it is human instinct to keep looking, but you no longer want to touch

You’ll know it’s love when you lose interest in going out with other people, when your thoughts center mainly on that one special person and when no one else’s comment s can turn your head in their direction. Love is faithful. Everyone always says that when you fall in love, you’ll know instinctively and in your heart. It’s true.

Did you know.

People change.
For better or for worse.
When people change for the better its quite amazing.

Past actions do not define who you are as a person.
Just because someone has a bad past
does that mean they should be judged upon that for the rest of their life?

Everyone deserves chances.
So they can learn from their mistakes and change.

People aren't sad all their life.
They learn to be happy and smile.

People aren't toddlers for ever.
They grow up and mature into adults.

People aren't heart breakers all their life.
They settle down eventually.

People aren't cheaters all their life.
They realise their mistakes and love monogamously.

Homo sapiens. Human Beings.
No matter what you call yourself.
You make mistakes.
How you react to this is what defines you.

Have an Iside out
Upside Down
Diagonally Spun
Day and Night

You're an idiot.

You can say what ever the hell you want to, about me.
You can all me a slut  a bitch and a whore.
WHATEVER the hell you want,
but when it comes to the people I love.
The person I would give up the world for
You can shut your mouth.
What kind of friend are you?
Fuck you.

"You can do and deserve better"

I've been told this over and over in my life,
but that's raises a question.
What if I don't want better.
What if I'm beyond happy with what I had or have.
Don't tell me who I should love.
Just don't

Look at you. You're young and you're scared. Why are you scared?
Stop being paralysed. Stop swallowing yourwords. Stop caring what other people think.
Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the music you want. Play it loud as fuck and dance all night to it.
Go for a drive at midnight and forget you have school tomorrow. Stop waiting for friday.
Live now.
Do it now.
Take risks.
This life is yours.
When are you going to realise that you can do what ever you want?

I think it's worth it.
I hope it is.
The pain is coming.
The day I leave
They day I have to say goodbye.

The end is near.

"You're making a mistake."
That's what everyone is telling me.
But am I really?

Is it a mistake to be selfish for one moment in my life and be in love?
To be happier than I ever could be?
To be able to smile with out faking it?
Being so close to perfect is what I am right now with this decision.
Who are you to tell me this is a mistake?

Pretty Eyes - Alex Goot

Pretty eyes staring back at me so blue and white
The colours of the summer sky
The colours of the world
If love is blind why do I see you so clearly now?
Perfect vision of our love somehow
You take over my mind

You will NEVER know.

You don’t know the amount of tears I shed.

You don’t know how much I miss how things used to be.

You don’t know how my heart is still breaking

You don’t know the reason I’m alive is because of you.

You don’t know how hard it is to slow my heart rate when I see you.

You don’t know how hard it is to breathe without you.

You don’t know how hard it is to stop thinking about you.

You don’t know the pain you caused.

You don’t know how my heart will forever belong to you.

You don’t know I care.

All I have to say is good bye.

It would be better off that way.

But why can’t I?

Maybe its your fault maybe its mine

Either ways it’s all the fucking same

I can’t breathe.

Metaphor

'Alter ego rant time:
"Never knew you could aimlessly throw a rock into the sky and hit two birds with one rock.


Somebody seems to have done exactly this.
But what's worse is that they're getting all the blame.
And again to make it worse.
The person doing the blaming is a complete hypocrite.


So you know what,
I hear, they are happy to stay as far away as possible from both birds.
They're done getting the blame for everything and for 'ruining' their lives." '

We are all human. We all make mistakes


It's best to move on, if people no longer want you in their life,
Then Stay clear. Stay out. Move on.

Have an Inside out
Upside down
Diagonally spun night.

The Past

As today ends the memory of my little sister grows stronger.
I hope that I never lose someone so close to me again.
To go through something heartbreakingly painful.
To lose someone who mean's the world to you.
Is the very worst.
Even if I knew my sister for a limited amount of time
It still hurts to know I could have had a little sister old enough to take shopping today.
A little sister I could stand up for in High school today.
A little sister who today I could help with her homework or her everyday trouble.
Yes I do have a little sister but she is 10 not 15.
I can't do the same things for her as I will have left to start my own life.
I wish she were alive.
My Trinh you were the most perfect of all babies.
I miss you and I love you.

I can't control who leaves this life for the next, but at least I can make the best memories to hold on to if it happens.

Dear Physic's I hate you.

I was asked by my little brother today, “What’s love?”

I looked into his curious eyes and told him “Love is love, you’ll know when you’re older”

His reply “But you’re older so I’m asking you.”

For once in my life I couldn’t answer one of his question.

Through out the 9 years I’ve known him I could easily answer his question’s.

This one stumped me.

So for the last few hour’s I’ve been pondering what love it.

I used to think I knew what it was.

But now I’ve come to realise it’s not what I thought.

Love is a figment of our imagination.

It was planted into the minds of every single person

To fill a void of nothingness

And for people to have an excuse to do stupid and reckless things.

Maybe love exists but I am yet to find a definite definition 

Love makes us pursue those who wish not to be pursued

‘Love’ makes people act like idiots.

How do I know? I’ve been in ‘Love’

Rubic's

Life is like a rubic’s cube.

When it seems like your getting some where, you make one wrong move and your fucked.

OR if someone else moves it and changes where you’ve placed your colours.

You again are also fucked.

Like when someone changes your life and moves a part of your perfect set up, you’re fucked.

Life if not easy it’s like a rubic’s cube if you don’t know how to do it, you won’t get anywhere. Or if someone messed it up, you’ve got to rebuild what you’ve lost.

Secret War for Love

There are numerous battles we must face

The hardest of all I shall embrace

For you, for love, I will battle thy self

The risk of losing you is worth thy health

In my own inner battle just for you

There are several things that I must do.

I force my heart to slow right down

Though the flutter of my heart is your favourite sound.

I must plan out my every little word

So I do not sound completely absurd

I have to remember how to breathe

Before I pass out and have to leave

I must not get lost in your deep blue eyes

Being distracted, just is not wise

I watch my every step where ever we may go

The rips in my jeans I cannot resew

All these silent actions, so you will stay a while

Keeping you around just to see you smile.

Your sense of humor I can’t live without.

I love you more than I could scream and shout.

Whenever I'm with you my heart skips a beat

Because everything about you from your head to your feet.

Makes this private battle worth everything

Whenever I’m with you I just want to sing.

Everyone says you’re a drug for me

But honestly you are my vitamin C.

Forever and ever I’ll stay by your side

To be your friend, companion and guide.

Wow.

Its my..

30th  Blog Post


oh my god.
I must blog so much useless shit.
"Yes, yes you do"


Hows the hell is it number 30?
Jeepers.
"Creepers!"
Hahaha, good one.


Any way this is part of my poem I'm writing for my Yr12 English 3B course of study.
"Sounds smart huh?"
When its done I'll post it.

There are numerous battles we must face

The hardest of all I shall embrace

For you, for love, I will battle thy self

The risk of losing you is worth thy health

In my very own inner battle for you

There are several things that I must do.

I force my heart to slow right down

Though the flutter of my heart is your favourite sound.

I plan out my every single word

So I do not sound completely absurd

I have to remember how to breathe

Before I pass out and have to leave

I must not get lost in your deep blue eyes

Being distracted, just is not wise

I watch my every step where ever we may go

The rips in my jeans I cannot resewThere are numerous battles we must face

The hardest of all I shall embrace

For you, for love, I will battle thy self

The risk of losing you is worth thy health

In my very own inner battle for you

There are several things that I must do.

I force my heart to slow right down

Though the flutter of my heart is your favourite sound.

I plan out my every single word

So I do not sound completely absurd

I have to remember how to breathe

Before I pass out and have to leave

I must not get lost in your deep blue eyes

Being distracted, just is not wise

I watch my every step where ever we may go

The rips in my jeans I cannot resew

Its about why love is worth the inner battle we all go through.

It's an over exaggeration yeah yeah.

But I don't care (:

Have an 

Inside out

Upside down 

Diagonally spun day (:

Alex Skarsgard

Mmmm.

There's always that one person, 

No matter how long it's been 

Or how badly they've treated you

If they say I love you, 

You will say it back.

Letting go of someone you love will eventually hurt you like the person died, its not easy but theres no other way.

“I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t, I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.”



“I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of always wondering when God is finally going to let me be happy. Most of all, I just I’m just tired of being tired.”

"We all fall in love with people we don't expect, in ways we don't expect, in times we do not expect and often, these people turn out to be someone they said they'll never be."

On a brighter note

MEGAN FOX

Yum (:

Do you know the differences between 

promises and memories?

We break promises

Whereas memories break us

Just because.

Just because we aren't together.

Doesn't mean,
I stop thinking about you everyday
When I see you my heart still races

Doesn't mean,
I stop dreaming of you

When you talk about other people and I seem okay
It doesn't mean, I'm not insanely jealous.

When I smile
Doesn't mean I'm happy
I wish I was still with you every single moment.

Just because we aren't together
Doesn't mean I love you any less.
My heart is still yours
You still have the key
and I don't care if you never give them back.
 As long as you know I still love you.

Love has never been defined and never will be.
We read novels about love without limitations, see movies about it on the big screen or TV, and that we can live happily ever after, but it’s not real life.
The fact of the matter is, our expectations are sometimes too high and the poor mate we choose can’t humanly live up to what our expectations are.
The word “grow up” is the key to this problem.
All couples have disagreements, lose their temper every so often, feel like they want to quit in the relationship and move on.
When we are young, love can be so magical or hurt to the very core of a person’s being and they feel like their life is over.
It is because of inexperience and, in youth one is learning.
Every heartbreak or every slight from another person you love helps you to become stronger and is a learning path as to what you really do want in a lifelong partner.
It ‘preps’ you for that one true love that I can promise you will meet in the future.
It’s a tough road sometimes, but we all have our disappointments and lost loves, but manage to live and forge on.
You will realize the guys or girls you ‘thought’ you loved really wasn’t love at all.

Love conquers everything, but does it?

We all know the saying 'Love conquers everything.'

But I've come to the realisation that it is false.
There is so much damage love can take.

After all the lying and all the pain.
Trust is demolished what's there to hold two people together.. Nothing

Don't say I'm worng.
Because in this situation I'm right.

Your feeling's won't change.
Mine haven't.
My heart is stilll their's.
I'm still completely and utterly in love with them.

It's easier to fall in love than to fall out of it..

This time it's goodbye.
Not see you later.
The relationship is done, it's finished.
But I still wish I could hold you in my arms and call you mine.

You have no idea the effect you have on me.

I have to force my heart to slow down.
I have to think before I speak
I have to not stutter
I have to watch where I walk.
I have to try not get lost in your eyes.
I have to not blush
I have to smile less so I don't look like a seed
I have to concentrate on how to breathe
I have to even remember how to breathe.

You make me forget all the things that cause pain and suffering
You make remember everything that makes people smile like idiots.
You are the light at the end of the tunnel.

I love you

Ten things for twenty10

I think it's time to tell the limited amount of people who read this blog,
something's about me, personally.
So people know I'm normal too.
"Pfft, yeah normal"


Here is 10 things you might not know about me.

1. I'm 2cm off being scientifically being called a midget
2. I'm considered a young adult.
3. I love science.
4. I'm getting my lip pierced at the end of this year.
5. I'm dying the tips of my hair blue after school ends.
6. I want a tattoo dedicated to my little sister who passed away
7. My favourite band's are All Time Low and The Maine
8. My two favourite male singer's in the world are Alexander William Gaskarth and John Cornelius O'Callaghan
9. I have my licence
10. I'm in love with a girl :)

Why? - Secondhand Serenade

The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

A phrasing that's a single tear,
Is harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me.

I should have known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me. 

Timing.

"This fragile game it’s like a train that’s headed nowhere. It never stops and I can’t see the exit sign." 

- "Inside of you" - The Maine

I knew how it was going to end.
I should have been ready.
But the news was something I wish I never knew
I shouldn't have asked.
I should have left it.

But no I had to be selfish and open my mouth. 
Now I have to live with these thoughts.
If I never asked I wouldn't have to try and forget.
 
The anger inside me will just keep building.
If I never asked it wouldn't be there


Until the day the the lid blows off.
And the anger pours out.
A sea of fury.
If I never asked it won't happen.


The lesson is:
"Know when the time is right to shut your mouth and stop asking questions."
 

Torn in two.

Would it be fair to assume,

When someone walks out of your life then they will stay out of it?

This is what I assumed.

I let everything lasting memory and feeling attached to him go.

My best friend. My everything.

Even if he were a huge part of my life

I had to let everything go for my own sake.

With time,

Everything fell back into place.

Everything was getting better.

Life was back to "normal"

"Whatever normal is.. My normal is WAY different to your normal."

That's because you're not real!

But yes.

Things were settling down

And I realised I had someone amazing right in front of my eyes.

So you could say things were inches from perfect.

Then he came back.

"I love you"

Where the last words he said to me.

The first after all this time apart was also

"I love you"

And so,

Like water breaking a flood gate.

The memories and feelings rushed back.

Emotions flying everywhere.

Instantly I was wrapped around his finger all over again.

Thing almost went straight back to where they were.

But there is the one person I love more than anything.

In which, I can't and won't give them up for any one or thing.

I fought so hard for them I cannot throw it away.

So now I am torn in two.

I am confused.

The only thing I seem to be thinking about right now

Is..

"Case 1 or 2? Person 1 or 2?"

Um, person number 2!

The question's running through my head:

Where are you know?

How much have you drunk?

What are you doing?

Are you okay?

And that's not even a quarter of them.

I can tell who I care about more.

I have no nails left to bite.

I'm worrying and there is still an hour to go.

But there is 8hours, even more till I get to talk to you.

I don't know what's happening.

I would give anything to be there.

I don't know what to do.

Insanity.

My favourite memory, is when I met you.
My favourite sound is your soothing voice.
My favourite colour is your eyes, that beautiful shade of blue.
My favourite place to be is by your side.
My favourite sight is you
My favourite feeling is your hand intertwined with mine
My favourite thought is all about you


I love your smile,
I love your laugh,
I love your sense of humour
I love the way you blush
I love the way you make me  feel.

I think I just love you.
I think you are my favourite person to walk this earth.

You are everything I ask for, and a little bit more.
I can't get you out of my head. My every thought involves you.
I think I'm going crazy. But mainly crazy over you.

I love you

Your name,
Your picture,
Your words,
Your touch,
Your voice,
Your eyes,
Your everything.

Makes my heart beat faster and faster
Until my heart skips a beat.
Makes me wobble at the knee's
Makes me smile.
Makes me blush.
Makes me blind.
Makes me want to scream
Makes me miss you
Makes me feel alive,
Makes me love you more and more.

You send shock waves down my spine.
You give me butterflies.

You give me the reassurance I need, to know love is out there.
You give me hope.

Exams, Birthday, Love.

I have 5 exams to complete,
One is done only four more to go.
Worst 14 hrs and 45minutes of my life.
"Even I hate exams, I have to shut up for the whole time!"


To make it worse my birthday is right in the middle of them.
"Well really it's in the middle skewed positively."
Whatever man. Don't histogram me.

To make my situation even worse.
I've realised as the days pass and I get older I am one step closer to moving.
Which means I'm leaving my friends who aren't moving the same year or are too young to leave.
I have to leave those who have made an impact on my life.
The people who make me who I am today.
How do you cope with losing all of that?

"Well friend what you do is, you never forget them and so when your path's cross again you can pick up where you left off."


Wise words from a not so wise person.

The thing that gets me through the day
Is knowing that there are those out there that love you
No matter who you were or are now
They are always going to be there for you.
They won't let you down.

To those who love me.
I love you ten fold.
I hope to never forget or be forgotten

Remember:
"Don't throw yourself out on another's whim.
People change, as do intentions and as a result, consequences
Live for yourself - Love those around you,
but realise that they've got their own agendas " - Alex William Gaskarth


Also have an
Inside out
Upside Down

Diagonally spun
Day

Undefined.

There are cracks appearing in my sanity.
I'm losing

Why

Because of one simple thing

Love.

One

I can't stop thinking about you.
Just you.

Fuck

I've recently come to terms with my new identity.
"It's fucked"


I'm just a nobody
Trying my hardest to get somewhere
"Walking in circles to get nowhere"
The more I try the more I lose

I'm going insane
Losing my mind
"Though you already lost it"

But,
We walk and try so that we eventually get somewhere.
For a little while we do get nowhere.
But then as life progresses we find our footing
When we do, we run to where we're meant to be.
"If you can run, unlike our dear author here, lazy as FCK"

Like Shakespeare said:

"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,

To the last syllable of recorded time;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death.

Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more.

It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing."

Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28

In the end life may or may not be worth the effort
"It's good to just try"

Because it's,
Inside Out
Upside Down
And
Diagonally Spun