Sometimes I wish I could rewind the clock and stop myself from meeting you.
From ever having a friendship with you.
Way to make it awkward buddy. I'm not great get over me.
I'm flattered you still like me, but enough is enough I'm drawing the line.
You've gone too far.

Wish people took me seriously some times.
I wish when I say I don't want people to know I actually meant it.
Wish you'd realise you're a bitch
Wish you'd realise you've pissed me off.

But people are fuck wits and fuck ups so what can you do but hope karma gets them.

I can't see you.
It's not like I don't try it's just that I'll do something stupid.
I know me.
It will happen.
It's better if we don't.

Since I have all this time.

Life is such a difficult thing, you never know for sure what you're meant to be doing, or where you are really headed..

So I'm going to sit here and ponder my life. I've realised all I want in life is to be happy and vain as it is I want to be rich. I want to retire young (somewhat) and be able to travel the world.

We all know this won't happen but I will try my best.

My life isn't simple.. In fact it's complicated like Trigonometric Function's, especially when you have no idea what you're doing. Right now I have no idea what I'm doing at all. I'm confused, like I just woke up and have lost my memory. I wish things were simple.

I'm currently doing a University course at Curtin, I don't know if I like it, nor do I know if I'll pass. Uni life is hard, I'm struggling. I want to go home. I want to go back to all the things I know. I want simple. I want all these things I don't have. I want the people I love surrounding me. I want my family. I want my friends. I want a short drive to everywhere. All these things I want.. But I can't have.

Things were easy, high school was fun. I miss seeing all my beautiful friends everyday. I miss my parents. I miss my younger siblings.. As much as I'll regret saying it. I hate knowing I'm missing out on them growing up. My brother's voice sounds like it's broken. My sister has even more attitude. Hah. Didn't know she could get more but hey..

Life will never be the same, not like it was last year. After uni I have to start a life of my own and then, I will still be working my ass off for a living and my sibling's won't be my cute baby brother and sister any more.. Everything is different. Everything changed. But I want it back.

This is my Inside Out Upside Down Diagonally Spun world.

Ah.

I fell in love with you with out even knowing.
I should have known.
I can feel it.
First hug, first touch, first kiss.
I knew it then and there, but some how I denied it.

You are an amazing person.
Everything about you I adore.
But you are my friend, my best friend.
I know this feeling isn't normal.
The way we are when we are together.
It's electric.
But we're friends. I can't ruin that.
I've done it before and I won't lose you,

I shouldn't talk to you.
But I can't help myself.
I think I like you more than I should.
I love you more than I should.
I miss you more than I should..

But I can't help that and I love what we have.
Let's hope my head stays at bay and everything doesn't change.

I hate you. Leave me the fuck alone.
Stop asking.
Stop questioning.
Go home.
Don't talk to me again.

In all honesty.

I don't love you like I used to.
That was shattered when you tore me apart.
When you broke every little bit of trust I gave you.
I miss what we used to be, but I do not miss you.
You were selfish.
You were cruel.
You were distant

But the main reason why I don't love you like I used to.

It's because you made me hate love.
The very thought of it made me rage.

But he,
He filled the void you left in me.
He's given me back faith in humanity.
He made me realise love is wonderful.

You are not him.

I hate it.

I hate it when you say gay.
It absolutely furiates me
Why can't you say lame or oh that's bullocks or SOMETHING
You ALWAYS say GAY as a bad thing.
I've told you like 3 times how much I hate yet you continue to use it
FUCK

I hate the fact I'm still completely and utterly in love with you.
The thought of you makes my heart race.
and seeing you with another is cutting me like a razor.
I need this to go away.
No, I need you.


No I don't

In my mind

I wish I could cast a spell like in Harry Potter and make you forget me.
Then maybe someone could cast it on me and so then I could forget you.

Life itself would be so much easier.
All this drama
All the awkwardness would be gone.
All the pain,
All the memories
Just gone no longer causing problems

No more reminiscing of what was.
No more wishing things were how they used to be..
No more sadness, you could smile, a genuine smile.

But no in the real world you live with the memories that taunt you.

In my mind life is so much easier.
15 years ago my sister didn't die.
5 years ago my heart wasn't shattered
4 years ago grandma did pass away
3 years ago I didn't fuck up most of my life
A year ago I didn't fall for you and we stayed the best of friends
A few months ago I didn't make that obviously wrong choice.

But Life isn't easy.
It's full of so many problems you lose count after a few days.

Now you won't talk to me, I'm falling for you again.

I'm not your rag doll

Don't drag me along because it's convenient..
If you want something else throw me away and let me move on
Let someone else find me
and love me for me.
The entire time you never wanted me.
You just wanted someone to hug
To be there for you.

I'm glad someones found me
Cleaned me up.
And is treating me right
He loves me because he can
Because I'm me
and not just a convenience.
And you know what,
I love him too.

Have an
Inside Out
Upside Down
Diagonally Spun Night

Maybe it's time to let go.

True Love.

A person who truly loves you, will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.

Define: Love

Loving someone is more than just getting butterflies every time you think about them. It’s more than the bubbly anticipation that you get when you know they’re coming towards you smiling.

Love is when you want to be with someone no matter how much you fight, or have little disagreements 

Love is the feeling of caring for them no matter what, and it’s not just the fact that you need them…It’s more of a fact that you can’t stand not being around them. When you are growing up, you’ll probably think you’re in love at least a couple of times before you really are.

So how can you tell the difference between the real thing and infatuation? The thing that tells you the most is how you handle fights with the person. If you haven’t even fought, you’re probably not in love, because you’re still too starry-eyed and dazed by the bite of the love bug to get upset at them. When you do fight, is it your first impulse to leave, to just quit the relationship? That’s infatuation. If the only thing you can think about is how you’re going to sort it all out and make things work with them, you’re more than likely in love with that person. Love doesn’t turn tail and run at the first sign of trouble, do you?

Also, another way you can tell is if you truly have that person’s best interest at heart. Sure, you care about people you have a crush on-but it’s different. Try to think of the types of things your parents, or maybe your grandparents, do for each other. It’s probably almost an automatic reaction for them to worry whether the other has eaten, is warm or cold enough, is feeling ok, is comfortable, and happy. Are these the type of things you want for your boyfriend/girlfriend? If you’re thinking more about their well being than your own, it’s probably love. Love is unselfish and undying

Infatuation often causes people to spend a lot of time trying to impress the other person. Worrying about how you look, what you say, and how you act every time you’re around this person is something that fades away when you’re in love. Do you wonder why? Well it’s because you’re comfortable with this person, you know it doesn’t matter how you look to them, and you can be yourself around them. Last, you can usually tell you’re in love when other crushes no longer matter. Granted, it is human instinct to keep looking, but you no longer want to touch

You’ll know it’s love when you lose interest in going out with other people, when your thoughts center mainly on that one special person and when no one else’s comment s can turn your head in their direction. Love is faithful. Everyone always says that when you fall in love, you’ll know instinctively and in your heart. It’s true.

Did you know.

People change.
For better or for worse.
When people change for the better its quite amazing.

Past actions do not define who you are as a person.
Just because someone has a bad past
does that mean they should be judged upon that for the rest of their life?

Everyone deserves chances.
So they can learn from their mistakes and change.

People aren't sad all their life.
They learn to be happy and smile.

People aren't toddlers for ever.
They grow up and mature into adults.

People aren't heart breakers all their life.
They settle down eventually.

People aren't cheaters all their life.
They realise their mistakes and love monogamously.

Homo sapiens. Human Beings.
No matter what you call yourself.
You make mistakes.
How you react to this is what defines you.

Have an Iside out
Upside Down
Diagonally Spun
Day and Night

You're an idiot.

You can say what ever the hell you want to, about me.
You can all me a slut  a bitch and a whore.
WHATEVER the hell you want,
but when it comes to the people I love.
The person I would give up the world for
You can shut your mouth.
What kind of friend are you?
Fuck you.

"You can do and deserve better"

I've been told this over and over in my life,
but that's raises a question.
What if I don't want better.
What if I'm beyond happy with what I had or have.
Don't tell me who I should love.
Just don't

Look at you. You're young and you're scared. Why are you scared?
Stop being paralysed. Stop swallowing yourwords. Stop caring what other people think.
Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the music you want. Play it loud as fuck and dance all night to it.
Go for a drive at midnight and forget you have school tomorrow. Stop waiting for friday.
Live now.
Do it now.
Take risks.
This life is yours.
When are you going to realise that you can do what ever you want?